Monkey Butlers of the Week

And now, our weekly awards...

Heartwarming Story of the Week: Jon Lester, Boston Red Sox. After beating cancer last year, the durable Lester delivered a Hallmark-type ending to his return to the big leagues by pitching a no-hitter against the Kansas City Royals on Monday night. His victory has inspired cancer patients everywhere.

Best Minor League Baseball Promotion: Fresno Grizzlies, AAA affiliate of the San Francisco Giants. They had a totally rad '80s night and invited Johnny from Karate Kid to show up and participate, and participate he did! Sweep the leg!!!

Best Use of Non-Approved Sports Equipment: Kris Draper, Detroit Red Wings. Draper scored a goal off of his chin in the Red Wings' 4-1 series clincher over the Dallas Stars that sent the Red Wings to the Stanley Cup Finals. Said Draper: "This assist was beautiful. Nice saucer pass right off my chin and in. I had three teeth that weren't in the place they usually are. We'll talk about that one later." You gotta love hockey players. (Also, we encourage you to play the Detroit Free Press' "Whack-a-Penguin" game. Who says hockey isn't fun anymore?)

Worst Time to Forget a Huge Gambling Loss: Charles Barkely, TNT commentator. Barkley earlier this week claimed that he "forgot" about $400,000 in markers owed to the Wynn casino. Right. Kind of like how I forget about the $5 in my left front pants pocket and the 47 cents in change in my right front pants pocket.

Best Impression of a 1940's-era NBA Game: Boston and Cleveland. They fought to a 74-69 Cleveland victory last Friday night in a game that likely set the NBA back 60 years. The teams combined to shoot 36% from the field, commit 41 fouls and turn the ball over 32 times. Yuck.

Worst Baseball Fantasy Start of the Week: Mike Mussina, Yankees. Mussina went a paltry 2/3 of an inning against Baltimore on Tuesday night, giving up 7 runs (somehow only 1 was earned), 5 hits and 2 walks. His statline for the night: 1K, 13.5 ERA, 10.5 WHIP. Thanks a lot.

Save of the Week: Edwin van der Sar, Manchester United. The ManU goalkeeper blocked the shot of Chelsea's Nicholas Anelka, giving ManU the victory on penalty kicks, 6-5. I don't care what anyone says: soccer can be exciting.

And now, your non-sports related YouTube video of the week: