BREAKING NEWS: Andrei Kirilenko retires!

In a shocking NBA twist, Utah Jazz forward Andrei Kirilenko announced his retirement today.

In a pseudo-press conference that only consisted of Andrei, a translator and a beat reporter from the Wasatch Wave (http://www.wasatchwave.com), Kirilenko came to tears as he announced that he had reached the pinnacle of his professional career.

"Last night was best I could do in sport of basketball. I block Kobe shot twice and not foul out for first time in career. I done. I go home to the family potato farm" Kirilenko mumbled.

Jerry Sloan could not immediately be reached for comment as he was at Deron Williams' house cooking him breakfast in bed.