Friday, July 11, 2008

Monkey Butlers of the Week

Ok, so this has been a really slow week for us. In fact, this will be our only post of the week. Sorry about that. Paying jobs sort of get in the way sometimes, you know? Without further ado, here we go...

Former Athlete Rapist of the Week Part I: Tony Zendejas, former kicker. Yes, even kickers have gotten on board with the whole rap sheet thing. Zendejas, formerly of the Los Angeles Rams, now owns a bar in San Dimas. Yes, that San Dimas. He apparently serves roofies with his drinks, as a female patron reported that Zendejas gave her a drink that made her groggy. She then awoke in a nearby motel and reported that she'd been raped.

Former Athlete Rapist of the Week, Part II: Teddy Dupay, former basketball player with the University of Florida. A woman alleged that Dupay beat her up and raped her at a ski resort in Utah; Dupay admits being with the woman and said that they "got a little rough" but that he didn't rape her. Apparently, Teddy's idea of rough sex apparently results in fractured ribs, bruises, black eyes & scratches. Dupay also apparently forced the woman under a desk and threatened to kill her if she told anyone. Yeah, that's love.

The "Yep, That's How We Do It Down Here" Award: Trussville, Alabama. That's where middle school teacher Julie Pritchett was working her way through the middle school's baseball team; she had almost made it through the lineup, but apparently one of the kids couldn't keep his good fortune to himself so the sex train was derailed. Once Mrs. Robinson got wind of the investigation, she resigned her teaching position, thus saving puberty-stricken boys everywhere in Trussville-area schools from her libido.

All Signs Point to Yes: Madonnarod looks like it may be happening! The feel-good hit of the summer just keeps on gaining steam as Alex Rodriguez's wife, Cynthia, filed for divorce this week. She said in her filings that the marriage was irretrievably broken due to A-Rod's "extramarital affairs and other marital misconduct." Yikes. Of course, Madonna finally came out and denied doing the nasty with A-Rod, but C-Rod apparently needed a trip to Paris and the home of Lenny Kravitz to clear her mind and help her make the decision to divorce Rodriguez. This has all the makings of a summer blockbuster, folks, especially if there is a divorce trial and it delves into the same territory that the clusterfuck that was the Christie Brinkley/Peter Cook fiasco. Stay tuned.

Broke Athlete of the Week: Vin Baker. The 14-year NBA veteran had his gigantic mansion foreclosed on this week. The house sold at auction for $2.5M to the bank holding the TWO mortgages on the property. The house is a 9,300 square foot shack with a pool, a tiny two lane bowling alley, and only six bedrooms. I'm surprised he could even stand being seen in the place, you know? Seriously, though, how in the world does someone play fourteen years in the NBA and not be able to afford a house, even if it is a giant house on a 12 acre piece of land?

NFL Arrest of the Week: Matt Jones, Jacksonville Jaguars. Jones was arrested in Fayetteville, Arkansas for possession of cocaine after an officer caught Jones cutting up powder cocaine with a credit card in the backseat of an vehicle. Yep, those Arkansas boys were always smart, you know? I mean, it's one thing that you're in a parked vehicle getting your lines together for your blow session, but how can you completely miss the two police officers walking up to the vehicle?

Ageless Wonder of the Week: Dara Torres, U.S. Olympic Swim Team. She's 41. She made the U.S. Olympic Swim Team in both the 50m and 100m freestyle, although she'll only swim the 50m in Bejing. She set a new U.S. record in the 50m in the semis and then broke her own record the next day in the finals. Unreal for a 41-year-old mom. Of course, many think that Torres is doping in some way, but she's made herself available for any type of drug test anyone can think to give her, so at least she's fighting the good fight. However, in today's doping world, everyone is guilty until, well, they're all just guilty, right?

Random Bikini Picture of the Week:

Non-Sports Related YouTube Video of the Week, brought to you by stupid criminals everywhere:


Drifter said...

The "Yep, That's How We Do It Down Here" Award: Didn't happen in Trussville. Sorry.

Edwin Jarvis said...

According to the school's website, Clay-Chalkville Middle School is located on Trussville-Clay Road in Trussville....

ncsumatman said...

ewwww, burn