Thursday, May 29, 2008

NBA Sissies Get Tax Break

NBA Commish and resident leprechaun, David Stern, announced yesterday that beginning next season fines will be imposed on players that employ the 'theatrical flop' strategy of defense. They have yet to determine the exact amount of the fines, but NBA Executive VP (and former shitty head coach) Stu Jackson said they will use 'in game arena observers and video reviewers' to do postgame reports on floppers.

Where the hell do I apply for that job?

You mean to tell me they will actually pay people to watch NBA games and tell them when people are flailing around like a pansy-ass pretending to take charges? I think I may have a new dream job. I don't really even like the NBA all that much, but getting paid to watch games and not actually have to prepare any stats or whatever would be fantastic. Just ask Bill Walton.

The great thing about this is the tax benefit of being a flop artist. I'm certainly no IRS guy (that's a whole other class of bastards), but I am pretty sure I read where a percentage of these fines are tax deductible because they are part of 'business expenses' related to their profession. I wonder if the Dockers and Izods that 'Lucky Charms' Stern suggested a couple years ago are deductible too. I'm sure that would make Allen Iverson happy.

As much as I detest these flop-artists, I think it's kinda stupid that you are imposing fines after the fact. Make the refs call the flops. Or, how about this, don't f'en call the foul in the first place. Wow...what a crazy idea.

Anyway, here's to you Bill Laimbeer, Vlade Divac and Raja Bell...but especially you Robert Horry. Your 'craft' has finally resulted in a new rule in the NBA. You won't be in the Hall, but you finally made your mark.

1 comment:

Edwin Jarvis said...

I hadn't seen that Horry flop before...that is about the worst one I've ever seen.

I wonder what the refs talk about in their "go over tape from our previous games" meetings. Do they even have such meetings?