Friday, May 30, 2008

Mixed Martial Arts & the Crazy Kimbo Slice + CBS = ?

Apparently, CBS has decided to make a splash into the world of MMA, or "mixed martial arts," and air fights from the UFC some sort of league called "EliteXC" on Saturday night. Now, I'm not a huge fan of MMA, but I've watched my fair share and I do find it entertaining. However, I've never heard of EliteXC. Who I have heard of, however, is Kimbo Slice, who frankly terrifies me. This is a man that formerly earned his living by fighting people on the street who ponied up the bucks to go toe to toe with him. Don't believe me? Then check this out (warning: by watching the below video, you will see someone get knocked the fuck out):

Terrifying, no? Kimbo (real name: Kevin Ferguson, I shit you not) will be fighting James Thompson, who is three inches taller but considerably less badass looking than Kimbo. The word on the street is that Kimbo is EliteXC's best chance at mainstream popularity, so when you couple that with Ferguson's reportedly glass jaw, I'm pretty sure you understand where this one will end up. Hopefully Ferguson can walk afterwards.

A bonus is the strikingly attractive (for MMA standards) woman pictured above, Gina Carano. She'll be fighting another lady warrior in a bout on the undercard. She's undefeated and has one submission, so I think that makes her hotter. Wonder what Gregg Doyel of thinks will happen in Carano's bout against Kaitlin Young? Well here you go:
Kaitlin isn't the name of a fighter. Kaitlin is the name of a kindergarten girlie with pigtails, or a baby-sitter with braces. Nobody named Kaitlin can beat Gina Carano, that's for damn sure. If you wanted better analysis than this, sorry. I can't get into women fighting. Am I sexist? Perhaps. gotta love it when a giant entity gets into something that they have no experience whatsoever with. They've got one of their main NCAA basketball guys handicapping the fights, which I personally think is outstanding.

Along those same lines, another parallel to all of this that is almost as compelling as Kimbo Slice rising from the streets to a prime time bout on CBS is the fact that Gus Johnson will be calling the fights. That's right, the same NCAA tourney Gus Johnson that we've all come to know and love these past few years. What sort of catchy phrases will Gus be throwing around? "The FOOT still FITS up his ass!!" Will Bill Raftery be doing color commentary? "And Kimbo opens up punching...with a kiss!!"

More importantly: can we count on a One Shining Moment-type theme song at the end of all this? Will CBS work shots of the losers crying, a la J.J. Redick and Adam Morrison? Will they have Greg Gumbel and Clark Kellogg providing their keen insight from the studio?

The possibilities are endless for this one. Even though CBS chairman Sumner Redstone recently decried his own network's decision to air the spectacle, I say, "Go, CBS, go!" Push the boundaries! Give us casual MMA fans a reason to watch.

CBS: EliteXC Saturday Night Fights, 9 eastern

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